Question The Fazzler fans: What’s the difference between a pile of dog crap and Finnegan’s Wake?
Answer: You can avoid the dog crap by walking around it. I have to read and review Finnegan’s Wake.
Before I embark on this Herculean task, let me brush up on my Wikipedia skills. James Joyce’s “Finnegans Wake,” his alleged Magnum Opus, was completed as World War II was brewing—a time apparently ripe for indecipherable literature. This book, written in a bizarre hybrid of standard English, neologistic multilingual puns, and portmanteau words, supposedly mimics sleep and dreams. In simpler terms, it’s an impenetrable maze of confusion, a real treat for anyone educated beyond the public school system.
The entire book is written in a largely idiosyncratic language, consisting of a mixture of standard English lexical items and neologistic multilingual puns and portmanteau words, which many critics believe attempts to recreate the experience of sleep and dreams, which makes it an impenetrable piece of crap, especially if you went through the public school system. The strange names, the odd words, and the deliberately off-meter make getting through a sentence more tedious than waiting at the DMV without an appointment.
Oh, and did I tell you? There’s no plot. Well, at least not that I can tell, making Finnegans Wake read, at times, like the telephone book (for those who remember such things…for those who don’t? I dunno, it reads like your developmentally challenged Uncle’s blog on separating bolts and nuts.)
But let’s move on…
The absurdity of navigating Joyce’s prose is akin to finding a specific emoji in a sea of digital gibberish. It’s like Joyce competed in a literary contest for the most obscure manuscript, where the prize was eternal bewilderment. But don’t take my word for it. Here’s what others who’ve attempted it have said:
- “It’s like trying to read the fine print on a contract… in Klingon.” – A reader now fluent in fictional languages.
- “I would have had an easier time translating ancient hieroglyphs blindfolded.” – An amateur archaeologist with a newfound hobby.
- “Reading ‘Finnegans Wake’ is like listening to a polyglot parrot with a speech impediment.” – A frustrated linguist.
- “I started as an optimist. I ended up questioning the meaning of all words.” – A former English major.
- “It’s the literary equivalent of a Rubik’s Cube, but all the colors are the same.” – A puzzled puzzle enthusiast.
- “Imagine cooking a complex recipe, but all the ingredients are in Esperanto.” – A chef who’s returned to making sandwiches.
- “Navigating Joyce’s prose is like being in a maze blindfolded, and the exit keeps moving.” – A reader who’s given up on maps.
- “It’s as if Joyce threw a dictionary into a blender and published the results.” – A librarian with a newfound respect for simplicity.
- “I felt like I was deciphering alien code.” Signed a bewildered reader.
- “I thought ‘War and Peace’ was tough, but this? This is another level.” A survivor of the “Finnegans Wake” reading challenge.
Now, let’s spice things up with a Fictitious Interview with James Joyce
Me: “Mr. Joyce, what inspired ‘Finnegans Wake’?”
Joyce: “Well, I wanted to create something that would make future generations question their sanity. Did I succeed?”
Me: “Astoundingly. But, Mr. Joyce, some say the book is less a novel and more a linguistic labyrinth. What’s your take on that?”
Joyce: “A labyrinth, you say? Splendid! The whole point was to weave an elaborate linguistic tapestry. Why make it simple when a delightful word-tangle can challenge the mind?”
Me: “Interesting. And what about the lack of a conventional plot?”
Joyce: “Plot is so passé, my dear interviewer. Life doesn’t always have a clear plot, does it? Why should my book? It’s an experience, a dream-like journey, not a Sunday afternoon stroll in the park.”
Me: “So, would you say it’s more about the journey than the destination?”
Joyce: “Precisely! It’s about getting lost in the forest of language, tripping over hidden meanings, and perhaps finding a pot of gold – or confusion – at the end of the literary rainbow.”
Me: “And finally, Mr. Joyce, what do you say to those who claim they find the book… well, unreadable?”
Joyce: “Unreadable? Nonsense! It’s merely… challenging like climbing Everest without oxygen. It’s not for the faint-hearted or those accustomed to the mundane trot of everyday literature. It’s for the brave, the bold, and the slightly mad.”
Me: “Thank you, Mr. Joyce, for this enlightening conversation.”
Joyce: “The pleasure was all mine. And remember, if you ever feel like you understand ‘Finnegans Wake,’ you’re probably reading it wrong.”
Practical Uses for ‘Finnegans Wake’ in Modern Times
- Academic Torture Device: Ideal for literature professors who relish in the suffering of their students.
- Alternative to Sleeping Pills: Insomnia? Just two pages, and you’re out.
- Parenting Tool: Forget Leviticus; this is the secular way to punish kids. “Clean your room, or I’ll read you a chapter from ‘Finnegans Wake.'”
So, the only thing that makes this novel useful is as punishment for your kids. Like Christian parents reading Leviticus to their children as a form of punishment, so is Finnegans Wake for secular families.
Enjoy.
