Area Man Grows Giant Hairy Cock

Camptonville, CA — Walter Truman is primarily an egg farmer in Camptonville, but in an attempt to make a better layer, he also breeds chickens.

“None of this GMO stuff,” he explained as he knocked some chicken shit off his boots. “I breed hens the old-fashioned way, picking the largest of each brood and cross-breeding them.”

He especially looks for large roosters.

“I always figured the bigger the cock, the bigger the egg, and the bigger the egg, the more money we can charge,” he said with a laugh.

Last Spring, that all changed.

“I tell you it was a freak of nature!” he exclaimed. “We had a huge chick hatched from a giant egg, and it just kept growing! Finally, it turned into the biggest cock I have ever seen. Must have stood three feet tall.”

Mr. Truman was getting quite excited at this point. “And stranger than that, it didn’t grow out normal feathers like the rest of the brood. No, sir! Its neck was covered in the strangest looking skinny ass feathers I have ever seen!”

He claimed they looked more like long black hairs than feathers at all. “That was one giant hairy cock!” he assured me. The hens that the giant rooster serviced had difficulty laying their eggs. They were so large. “Having a big cock is great until it hurts to get laid,” he explained.

Last September, as he was gathering eggs, he came across the giant rooster lying dead in the hen house.

“That big cock was completely stiff,” he said, shaking his head. “I figure he just grew too big, and his heart gave out. Yes, sir, I don’t imagine I’ll ever see such a giant hairy cock again in my life.”

 

Harry Balserhaught
Harry Balserhaughthttps://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004113618460
Harry Balserhaught joins Gish Gallop from a prosperous career in Industrial Landscape painting and design. He also moonlights as a writer for several investigative publications including the San Francisco Chronicle, The Nation and Cat Fancy. Mr. Balserhaught is semi-retired and a neighbor of Nevada County Gish Gallop President and fellow North San Juan resident Louis “Lou” LaPlante, however he has no interest in alpacas. Despite this, Mr. LaPlante asked Mr. Balserhaught to join Gish Gallop staff due to his uncanny ability to “get along” with other North San Juan citizens. Mr. Balserhaught is married to his second wife Faye, after his first died in a suspicious laundromat accident in Berkeley, CA. He has 2 dogs, 1 cat, and 3 mouthy children who never call.

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