Area Worker Implements Nuclear Strike Protocols During All Hands Meeting

Grass Valley, CA — Area worker Perry Clayson surprised his coworkers during an all-hands meeting on Friday when he instructed the 42 employees at Adjunct Video Systems of Grass Valley on how to survive a North Korean nuclear attack. Mr. Clayson, 38, has been working as a support specialist at the firm for over ten years and counts “disaster preparation” as one of his many hobbies according to his Facebook profile.

“Yeah, it was a bit odd and unexpected,” said shipping department clerk Jessica Banders. “I mean Jeff [Adjunct CEO Jeffery Oldheim] was talking about our great first quarter and thanking everyone for their hard work. And then Perry just interrupted him and started about what we should do if the North Koreans bomb us. He was talking fast, so I didn’t get half of what he was saying.”

According to Mr. Clayson, he’s been preparing for years for a nuclear holocaust, much the same way his parents did in decades past. He keeps a long list of what he calls “disaster prep protocols,” which he publishes and maintains on his Facebook page. He also occasionally prints them and hands them out to his coworkers. Since the attacks on 9/11, he’s redoubled his efforts not only for himself but also to in his words, “educate others on the pending dangers of radiation and fallout.”

“Look,” said a serious Mr. Clayson. “There’s danger everywhere and to pretend that there isn’t any, well, is just plain stupid. People need to prepare for the eventualities of a nuclear war. And it’s stacking up to be about North Korea.”

Why The Sudden Interest in Thermonuclear Holocaust?

When asked why he interrupted his CEO mid-sentence to tell his fellow employees about how to prepare for a nuclear attack, he bristled.

“It’s important, and I had everyone’s attention,” continued Mr. Clayson, seeming annoyed by the line of questions. “Jeff was cool about, and he knows how much it means to me to make sure everyone is prepared. He even thanked me after the meeting.”

“No, I didn’t thank Perry,” said the Adjunct CEO, “I’m concerned about his state a mind. That, well, you know, his lack of decorum might be scaring other employees. He’s a valued worker. I’ll leave it at that. But I could tell others were a bit uncomfortable with his unplanned interruption.”

Mr. Oldheim Adjunct Video Systems has no plans of adding nuclear strike protocols to its employee handbook anytime soon.

Michael Stephen
Michael Stephen
Michael has been through pretty much everything, and his sole aspiration is to get you through it more quickly and with less pain.

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