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Fort Wayne, IN — President Joe Biden and former President Donald Trump have slated their next debate at an unconventional venue—the Fort Wayne Sizzler. Known for its affordable steak and expansive salad bar, Sizzler will now host a different kind of choppy encounter.

The choice of Sizzler, a favorite dining spot among the senior demographic, subtly underscores the age of both candidates. At 78 and 82 years old, respectively, Trump and Biden could reflect the seasoned patrons typically enjoying early dinners by 5 PM. The setting is an apt metaphor for their political endurance—aged, seasoned, and grilled to various degrees of doneness.

Initially, celebrity chef Guy Fieri volunteered to moderate the debate but had to drop out, citing heartburn from his donkey sauce. Thankfully, Chef Gordon Ramsay jumped in and will handle the heat of the debate, whose flair for fiery dialogue is expected to match the candidates’ peppery exchanges.

The debate format, dubbed “Hell’s Debate: Order Up!” will see each political contender dish out their policies on healthcare during the ‘Soup and Salad round, followed by foreign policy in the ‘Steak-out’ segment.

The Trump Campaign, obviously directed by the former President, issued a statement saying, “President Trump is very much looking forward to a debate with Sleepy Joe and creating a plate full of spaghetti tacos.”

Local reactions have varied, with some residents delighted by the sudden spotlight on Fort Wayne. In contrast, others are less enthusiastic, foreseeing parking pandemonium and the beloved cheesy toast shortage. An online petition for a vegan menu option at the debate reflects a growing desire for inclusivity in dietary and political preferences.

Both campaigns have seized the opportunity to roll out themed merchandise. The Trump campaign offers a “Make Debates Sizzling Again” apron, while Biden supporters can purchase a “Build Back Butter” butter knife set.

As the debate approaches, questions remain. Will the Sizzler setting prove to be a masterstroke of relatability, or will it descend into farce? Only time will tell, but one thing is sure: in the world of politics, even a steakhouse can serve as a battleground for the nation’s future.