Border Collies Deployed to Keep Chihuahuas Out

Along the Mexican Border In Texas— In a stunning and exaggerated story unfolding this week, President Biden has authorized ICE agents to use Border Collies to enforce several things, one of them being the dividing line between the USA and Mexico. According to ICE officials, Operation El Perro Loco, secretly launched in March, has been a tremendous success.

Partially modeled after the Bush—and Obama-era program Fast and Furious, El Perro Loco hopes to achieve quick success with minimal costs.

“Chihuahuas are a public nuisance and surely kill people,” explained the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) Undersecretary of Jerry “Staff” Quanti. “Our Border Collies are trained with the intention that they would chase the little Chihuahuas back to where they belong. Sometimes, our guys go too far. Hell, even Zachary Taylor wasn’t perfect.”

Border Collies are a bunch of good, patriotic dogs who can round up sheep, cows, llamas, emus, goats, and people by guiding them in a chosen direction. They have beautiful black, and white coats, no two the same, and no two have the same personality. They’re great dogs who like to follow orders. This is their kind of gig.

“I know it looks bad when you see them eating that little guy like he’s a chicken wing trying to sneak in, but – and I’m sorry you had to see that – you have to understand, we have no place for all these Chihuahuas flooding our border,” Darrel Bohart, a diesel mechanic from Waco, Texas told us as we walked back to his horse. “We must try to let the Border Collie policy work itself out. Give it a chance to see if it’ll work.”

Operation El Perro Loco

According to DHS, since Operation El Perro Loco was secretly launched in March after Congress refused to fund President Biden’s security bill, the team of 420 Border Collies has apprehended over 456,000 illegal Chihuahuas attempting to seek asylum in the United States.

“But you hear nothing about that,” continued Mr. Bohart. “Them fake news media types won’t report on this stuff. I reckon it’s probably for the better, or we’d have all those libtard animal rights people down there trying to save these lazy Taco Bell chawoodles. I mean, look at how hard them Collies work. What can these stupid Mexican rats do? The answer is nothing.”

DHS Undersecretary Quanti is glad that Operation El Perro Loco is now public knowledge. He hopes the news will encourage Congress to fund further programs like it and that this “virtual canine border wall,” as he calls it, will catch on in other states.

Michael Stephen
Michael Stephen
Michael has been through pretty much everything, and his sole aspiration is to get you through it more quickly and with less pain.

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