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Food
New Study Finds Vegans Less Annoying Than Anti-Vegans
In a landmark study released today by the Pew Research Center in cooperation with the National Cattlemen's Beef Association, scientists have determined that proponents of the anti-vegan movement are several orders of magnitude more obnoxious than vegans.
Living
Dove Releases Soap Dispenser Products For “Washing Your Asshole”
The United Kingdom-base Dove announced today a new line of soap dispenser products specifically designed to clean your butt hole. The new product, called Dove Real Clean, is targeted at the growing "anus grooming" market.
National News
Saint Bernard Condemns ‘Morning After’ Dog Biscuit
Employing some of his most conservative rhetoric to date, Saint Bailey Bernard of Holy Southern Shepherd Church released a statement regarding the controversial morning after dog biscuit.
National News
Alan Greenspan and Noam Chomsky Brawl Outside University Bar
Police reports out of Cambridge, Massachusetts confirm that former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan and esteemed MIT Linguist Noam Chomsky got into a violent confrontation outside of the city's popular Middle East Nightclub on Saturday night.
Living
Elon Musk to Relaunch TV’s The Love Boat…in Space
Telsa and SpaceX super genius Elon Musk plans on relaunching the popular 1970s and 80s American drama comedy The Love Boat.
National News
Hooters to Celebrate Breast Cancer Survivors
In a nod to appear both sensitive and politically correct, Hooters has announced the opening of the first bar and restaurant to hire only breast cancer survivors who have had one breast removed.
Art
Sesame Street Announces New Transgender Character
The Sesame Workshop, formerly known as the Children's Television Workshop, announced that its flagship program Sesame Street will feature its first transgender character for the 2019 season.
National News
Joe Manchin Offers to Babysit West Virginia Kids So Mom Can Work
The generally even-tempered West Virginia Senator made a surprising offer.
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