Christian “Terrorists” Jailed for Illegal Chemtrailing

Grass Valley, CA — A group of Christian chemtrailers are in deep trouble with both civil and military aviation officials for using their aircraft to spread “the divine Word of Christ.” The aircraft crew, which consisted of four individuals from the Grass Valley area, stole a chemtrail plane from the nearby Air Force base to help, in the words of team leader Esteban Smith, “to prepare the world for Christ and show the world that the government is poisoning our skies.”

According to police reports, the group of four snuck onto Beale Air Force base from the Linda entrance late Thursday night and commandeered a high-bypass turbofan jet airplane, and departed the base just before sunrise. The team then proceeded to spray Christian crosses across the Nevada County corridor. They were intercepted and escorted back to base by an F-16 and arrested. However, they remained defiant.

“This is our mission,” said Esteban Smith, the only licensed pilot on the team in a prepared statement through his lawyer. “We have proven that there is a global conspiracy to control the skies, and we spread the Word of Jesus Christ.”

Not everyone was aware that this was an active effort by a group of what is now being called “Christian terrorists.”

“Thank goodness my son showed me how to use this iPhone camera,” said Penn Valley’s Margaret Porter in a The Fazzler telephone interview. “I was driving to Raley’s to get my morning coffee with a bunch of toilet paper, and paper towels stacked high in the back seat of my Oldsmobile. I couldn’t see out the back window, so I checked my side windows when I saw the cross in the clouds. So I pulled over and took a picture. What a miracle of God it is!”

The group of Christians is scheduled to be arraigned on Monday.

Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair is Gish Gallop's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.

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