Congressman Claims He’s Not Alive: George Santos’ Outrageous Interview with ABC

New York, NY — Long Island Congressman George Santos left New York City residents in shock during a recent interview with ABC affiliate Daphne Wilkins. The representative, who has a long history of fabricating stories and exaggerating the truth, outdid himself by claiming that he was not, in fact, alive.

During the interview, when Wilkins asked Santos about his recent efforts to improve internet access in rural areas of the state, Santos replied, “Well, Daphne, I can’t take credit for that. I actually invented the internet. I’m sure you’ve heard of it.”

When Wilkins asked how he could possibly be alive if he had passed away, Santos explained that he had died in a tragic accident while on a humanitarian mission in Brazil. He claimed he had been mauled by a pack of rogue poodles while trying to rescue a group of orphaned children. But, he said, he had been brought back to life through advanced cloning technology.

Santos provided vivid and elaborate details of his supposed death and resurrection, describing his injuries, the medical procedures used to revive him, and even the location of the secret Brazilian lab where the cloning was performed.

But the interview took an unexpected turn when Wilkins asked Santos if he had ever dressed in drag. Santos, visibly irritated, tried to turn the question around and asked Wilkins if she had ever dressed in drag. Wilkins reminded him that she was a drag queen and always dressed in drag. This made Santos grow unreasonably irritated, and he quickly changed the subject to counterfeit quarters. He went on to postulate a conspiracy between the vicious Brazilian poodles and counterfeit quarters, claiming that the two unrelated things might have led to his supposed untimely death.

The congressman’s office did not respond to requests for comment, but sources close to Santos say that he has long struggled with a compulsive lying disorder and may require professional help.

In the meantime, New York residents are left to wonder what other untruths their representative may be telling them.

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Fink is a man of many words, and many web links. He likes to argue and seldom loses. Mostly because he’s well informed. And somewhat gassy.

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