Florida Man Kicked Out of McDonald’s Following 20-Piece Chicken McNugget Diarrhea

Pensacola, FL – A Florida resident was forcibly ejected from a McDonald’s in Pensacola after a 20-piece Chicken McNugget meal triggered an untimely gastrointestinal emergency.

Witnesses described the event as “horrifying” and “kind of impressive, in a weird way.”

“It began with a sound like a trumpet being suffocated,” explained Doris Thimpleton, “and then things escalated rapidly.”

According to witnesses, after consuming 20 Chicken McNuggets with a generous Szechuan sauce, a man identified only as “Jim” experienced the infamous “McTummy Rumbles.”

As he dashed towards the restroom, other patrons could only watch in horror (and awe) as the tragicomedy played out.

“I’ve never witnessed a man run that quickly. Not even in the Olympics, one observer remarked.

After entering the restroom, Jim’s struggle was far from over. Unbeknownst to him, the lock on the restroom stall was broken, resulting in a scene that employees and diners will never forget.

Billy Tanner, a 16-year-old employee on fry duty, described the event with a mixture of amusement and fear: “I’ve seen some strange things while working here, but nothing like this. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.”

The manager, who requested anonymity, acted swiftly after recognizing the impact of the incident on the lunchtime crowd.

“We had to make a phone call,” the manager explained. “It was either him or McFlurries.”

The manager escorted Jim out of the restaurant with a stern look and a firm hand, his dignity trailing behind him like the last forgotten fry at the bottom of the bag.

The response on social media has ranged from sympathy to outright disbelief. On Twitter, the hashtag #McNuggetMeltdown is currently trending.

Jim appears unfazed by the incident, stating, “Well, at least I got a good story out of it.” Moreover, the chicken nuggets were delicious!”

In the meantime, the Pensacola McDonald’s is honoring the incident with a one-day special: buy a 20-piece Chicken McNugget meal and receive a free roll of toilet paper.

Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair is Gish Gallop's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.

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