Grass Valley Approves 5G Tower at Roundabout

Grass Valley, CA — The city of Grass Valley announced plans to install a large and powerful 5G tower at the Idaho-Maryland/Main Street roundabout this morning. The project, which has been in the planning phases for over four years, will place a 300ft tower capable of transmitting 5G mobile signals as far away as Sierra City, some 33 miles away.

“We are excited about this important piece of telecommunication infrastructure installed in an equally iconic and important feature of Grass Valley,” declared an official yet unsigned memo from the city government. “This new tower will be the crowning feature of Grass Valley and a symbol of our progressive thinking.”

Most of the 42 million dollar project underwritten by Verizon Wireless is set to break ground sometime in the spring. The facility will produce over 1.21 Jigawatts of power, which has not gone unnoticed by area anti-5G activists.

“Look. Listen, OK? This is all a part of their plan,” said Nevada City community activists and self-proclaimed expert ‘rockhounder’ Saihra Ramun speaking with the Beacon following the announcement. “I mean, ok. Look, everyone knows about the cancer risk. And some even know about the 5G  chemtrail connection. But I’ve got some news for you. This is about a high-tech missile control system that the government will use on activists like me. You know, people who dare to speak out.”

Ms. Ramun was short on details, partially because she didn’t graduate from high school and because she doesn’t have any. However, she did provide the Beacon with 42 websites and dozens of Youtube videos she says support her claims. Unfortunately, none of her sources checked out, and at least five websites contained various recipes for cooking venison.

“Look, I mean, come on. It’s no coincidence that this COVID thing came on with the 5G, no? And,” raising her voice to an uncomfortable level and pace, “the masks we have to wear are a decoy. Think about it. These masks do nothing to protect you from 5G either. It’s not just a symbolic muzzling but a physical one as well. So once my mask is off, here come the missiles. Just like they did to that guy Nashville RV guy. It makes sense if you think about it.”

A spokesperson for Verizon downplayed any risks to such a high-powered cell tower, saying that she had worked on one during her initial training sessions with the company.

“I know people get scared about things they don’t understand,” said Verizon director of communications Bethany Millbright from her Rocklin, CA office. “But I’ve been up in several operational towers, and other than a little hair loss, there’s nothing to be worried about.”

The city says to expect traffic delays when the project begins in the Spring.

Michael Stephen
Michael Stephen
Michael has been through pretty much everything, and his sole aspiration is to get you through it more quickly and with less pain.

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