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Lansing, MI — Alex Jones has proven that you can count a man down, but not out. After being sued, kicked off of social media, and losing almost all of his media distribution. Alex has hit the comeback button.

Infowars has long been touted as a titan in the sales field. Everything from food buckets to nutritional supplements. Jones has bet the farm on a new tinfoil technology that he claims, “will cure the Rona.” The new alloy tinfoil allegedly can destroy viruses on contact though that claim is still under investigation.

Not all of Jones’s followers are satisfied with the product. Harold Buckner, a self-described “Woke AF MF’er,” has filed a formal complaint against Jonestown Windustries, stating that since wearing the mask, his hair will only grow out as a mullet. But it gave him a “bitchin stache,” according to Buckner.

We reached out to Jones regarding the website; we received this written reply.

“While we typically do not comment on frivolous lawsuits brought against us by the lizard people. We felt we needed to keep our good name. Buckner is part of the globalist conspiracy connected to silent dog farts that have infiltrated our government at its highest level!”

So far, sales are booming, according to Jones. You can get a three-pack for $49.95 or 3 easy installments of $19.95 at Infowars.com. Just make sure you only go to the merch page, as looking at the actual website causes cancer.

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Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.