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Nevada County, CA — Area police ruthlessly murdered an area hero and constitutional enthusiast late last night. The county Sheriff’s Investigation spokesperson has claimed that the hero had to be ‘stopped’ before he “shot too many more policemen.” LeRoy Jenkins, the martyred soul killed last night for standing up to various forms of tyranny, was a patriot with many legitimate grievances against the government, but he was unable to articulate those grievances before he started shooting at police. He was killed doing what he loved. He was defending his parking spot.

“As of this time, the motive for the shooting is not clear,” explained the chief detective on the scene.

Doesn’t this statement alone show that the police were out of line? How many more unarmed black children have to die at the hands of the police before we recognize that the government is killing white people who vow to kill police? If a white man were to run into a school and kill a bunch of 6-year-olds, I bet that would change your mind.

“The man [hero] began firing at officers as they arrived on the scene. He had a large caliber weapon, I’m thinking a .45,” chief detective Brett Hilston explained to the press.

See the erosion of the second amendment in that last statement? Now we’re worried about the gun size? That hardly matters when a guy can’t even defend his parking spot with lethal force. When a guy like LeRoy Jenkins stands up for something he’s willing to die for, should he really have to die for that? He wanted to take out as many officers as he could before he died, and he did.

Should his simple, patriotic gestures allow the police to act as judge, jury, and executioner as they did last night? Look, police shoot unarmed black kids all the time, but those people are always walking or running, and looking like big and scary people. This old white guy [LeRoy Jenkins] was standing his ground, shooting at anybody who got too close. Should he, a patriot, be gunned down like some unarmed urban-American teenager?

“I try to never draw my weapon,” officer Keith Tapley of the Sheriff’s department told The Fazzler from the intensive care unit at the local hospital, “but when that true patriot shot me, it really hurt. I made a decision for the department, and not for the country I love when I decided to shoot him in cold blood.” Officer Tapley gently wiped a tear from his eye as he said, “I should have known killing Leroy Jenkins would not bring my 20 or so comrades back. We should have just backed off and let him keep that parking spot. He claimed sovereignty and defended it with his weaponry. It was his, fair and square. I just hope Leroy Jenkins’s family can forgive me for the gratitude I have received from the families of my fellow slain officers for stopping Leroy Jenkins, the patriot they call a monster.”

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