Locals: Who Do I Have to Blow to Get A Meal Delivered in this Town?

Nevada County, CA — Who do I have to blow to get some decent delivery happening in this Americana tourist trap of a town?

I’m serious. I usually stick to reporting the news and keep my personal opinion between me, my bartender, my shrink and my diary, but I just don’t understand what the god damned problem is, so I put it out there to you, our fine readers. Why don’t any of the restaurants around here deliver?

Say “Round Table delivers” and I will come unglued on you Luddites.

I know you know what “food” is. I was pleasantly surprised to find some fairly decent Thai, Chinese and Sushi places around town, and you’ve got more healthy hippie crap than Orange County. Your Mexican food selection is pathetic, but that’s a battle for another day. Today, I just want to know how to get pad thai to my doorstep without having to leave the comfort of my chaise lounge.

I would happily pay a delivery charge-hell, I’d even tolerate a long wait time if it meant I didn’t have to put on pants, set down my Manhattan, drag my ass downtown, put out my cigarette, and talk to people. I shouldn’t have to talk to people to eat. It’s ridiculous. Deliver it in an old-timey horse and carriage if that makes it feel more “authentic” to the historical setting. Just hoof it over here somehow.

I mean it. This is unbelievable. Don’t you people like money? It’s like living on a god damned Amish Farm.

Violet Matenapolis
Violet Matenapolishttps://www.facebook.com/violet.matenapolis
Born Alma Greenwalt in Modesto, California Violet Matenapolis changed her first name after leaving home at the age of 17 to make her debut in Hollywood as a dancer. She fell into journalism by accident when her first husband, newspaper mogul Victor Matenapolis, discovered her scathing review of a play she had auditioned for scribbled on the back of a grocery list and put her to work. 5 years into their marriage, Victor was tragically killed in a freak accident while cleaning the tank of their beloved python, Stella. Her finger relentlessly on the pulse of what's hot in popular culture, Ms. Matenapolis spends the majority of her time hunched in the corner of any drinking establishment that offers "signature cocktails", feverishly hunting down stories from the darker recesses of the internet.

More from author

Related posts


Latest posts

Sotheby’s To Auction Off Original Prototype of MyPillow

Sotheby’s stuns with a once-in-a-lifetime auction, offering the original MyPillow prototype—purportedly stuffed with the essence of the American dream—set to redefine luxury sleep and history, one overpriced, patriotically infused bid at a time.

McDonald’s Bids Farewell to Epstein Island’s Last Golden Arches Amid Controversial Legacy

The McDonald’s on Epstein Island has shuttered its windows for good, marking the end of what the company now refers to as a "misguided adventure in international franchising." The closure comes amidst a whirlwind of controversy and a belated corporate acknowledgment that some locations, no matter how potentially profitable, are better left un-McTouched.

Bombshell Uncovered: Hunter S. Thompson’s Lost ‘Dr. Strangelove’ Audition

A recently unearthed photograph has revealed the unimaginable: Hunter S. Thompson, king of gonzo journalism, once commandeered the captain’s seat of a B-52, not in the throes of a drug-fueled fantasy, but as a contender for the iconic role in Kubrick’s 'Dr. Strangelove.' The discovery challenges everything we thought we knew about the man who lived on the edge of American sanity.