New Star Trek Series to Feature Shocking Technology

Earlier versions of Star Trek has the courageous members of the Enterprise flinging about the bridge.
Earlier versions of Star Trek has the courageous members of the Enterprise flinging about the bridge.

Burbank, CA — According to CBS and show officials, the upcoming Star Trek series will have some exciting technological breakthroughs, including one in particular that long-time fans of the franchise have been clamoring for.

“This is probably my favorite innovation,” said show creator Brian Fuller, holding up a canvas strap. “While nothing is finalized, we plan on calling it a ‘seat belt’ and even though it took some abstract thinking we’re happy with what we’ve got right now.”

The way the “seat belt” functions, according to the show’s technical writers, is that by anchoring it to a seat (hence the first half of the equipment’s name), a character might then fasten it across his lap, much like he would a belt. While there’s certainly some nuance to such a sophisticated piece of gear, the application is straightforward.

“It’s really brilliant when you think about it,” said Rod Roddenberry, son of Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry. “All these people are flying through space faster than light speed, and suddenly BOOM! they hit a brick wall. Or a photon torpedo. Or a lake. I don’t know, I don’t follow the show. But instead of flinging themselves across the room and dying, they stay in their chairs.”

Fan reaction has been tentative so far.


“I’m not sure how realistic this ‘seat belt’ is yet because I haven’t seen the technical specifications,” explained superfan Wil Wheaton of Porter Ranch, California. “I mean in theory it could work, but there are a lot of variables to consider. Constants like gravity, bone density in varying races … I’m just not convinced it’s feasible. I guess I’ll keep an open mind.”

Fuller said writers are moving forward regardless, and plan on introducing more of the technological wonders that science fiction fans crave.

“I can’t say too much now,” he said off the record, “but think about all those exploding consoles killing people over the years. Now imagine the sneeze guard they have at salad bars.”

“That’s the fun part about sci-fi,” he added, grinning. “We can push the limits of human imagination. Expect amazing things.”

Jon Reremy, PhD
Jon Reremy, PhD
When Jon was a little bitty baby his mama would rock him in the cradle in the old cotton fields where he's from. Growing up in the deep south, he learned to take a punch, a skill he carries with him to this day and looks to pass on to future generations of Reremies. After the tragic monster truck accident that claimed the life of his latest wife, all pending charges were dropped, leaving Jon to pursue his dream of marrying someone younger, hotter, and dirtier. As his hunt continues, Jon lurks around the local junior college, where he hopes to earn his doctorate by attending several classes a month, that he may one day stop lying about having one. When he's not studying or leching, Jon maintains an active television-viewing schedule. On the rare occasion inspiration strikes, he strikes back.

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