Penn Valley, CA — Local doomsday “prepper”and gun store assistant manager Jason Dant issued a warning to all citizens of the United States early this week.
“If we do nothing to address the gun problem in this country, the number of staged mass shootings will continue to rise,” Dant announced during his lunch break using the CB radio in his van.
“I’m saddened to have to come before you and say this once again,” Dant continued, “this has become so routine. When will ‘we the people’ take action?”
“Tonight, hug your massive arsenal of firearms a little closer,” he added, “think of the families that aren’t as fortunate. Families that have been coerced into lying about these shootings as part of an elaborate hoax perpetrated by the powerful anti-freedom forces that have taken over this country.”
“We have lived in fear for too long,” Dant continued after his shift at the gun store later that day, “fear that our guns will be taken from us by force. Which definitely will happen.”
“But imagine if the government showed up to your child’s school to stage a mass shooting,” Dant asked any potential listeners within his two mile broadcast range, “then your child, and every other child and teacher, pulled out a loaded gun and pointed it right back at the government agents.”
“We need more guns,” an emotional Dant concluded as he pulled into his driveway, “to finally defend against these staged national tragedies.”
Following Dant’s call to action the stock price of gun maker Smith & Wesson rose 3%.
