TSA To Hire Former Guantanamo Bay Detainees

Hamid Abir-Hassan takes his post after serving 8 years in Guantanamo Bay.
Hamid Abir-Hassan takes his post after serving 8 years in Guantanamo Bay.

Washington D.C. — The Transportation Safety Administration (TSA) is responsible for airport security in our nation’s airports. Everyone is familiar with long lines waiting to remove our shoes and get x-rayed. As has been previously reported, the long lines and the fact that all simulated attempts at passing a gun and bomb through a checkpoint has succeeded has led the TSA to take some creative measures.

Starting August 1, the TSA will hire former Guantanamo Bay detainees that were suspected of having ties to terrorism. Guantanamo Bay, Cuba is a military installation that has been used as a prison for captured suspects in the war on terror. The prison will release 50 detainees to the TSA for employment at various airports around the country.

This program will be the brainchild of current Homeland Security Chief Jeff Johnson and his replacement Vice Admiral Peter Neffenger. The two have completed a successful trial with two former detainees and are now prepared to move forward with the full program.

Jeff Johnson spoke to The Fazzler about the program.

“We think this will work great, who else but former terrorists would know how people would smuggle in contraband?” questioned Johnson. “We had a few minor setbacks with our two trial candidates, every time they would search luggage and find anything made of wool they would become aroused, obviously that created some, well, awkward situations. We’re looking into that.”

The program has faced a lot of negative feedback. Grass Valley, CA native Cora Reader spoke to The Fazzler about her experience with the new TSA employees.

“It was terrible, I can’t believe they would hire terrorists and not inform anyone,” said Cora. “Not only did he pat me down and accuse me of smuggling bags of nickels in my pants, he went through my luggage. I can’t even talk about what he did to my wool sweater.”

Despite the outrage, the TSA is going through with the program. It is expected to cost $25 million dollars to hire and house the former detainees. But the TSA thinks that it is money well spent.

Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.

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