Wayne Brown Correctional Facility to Close/To Become a Day Care Center

Nevada City, California — The Nevada County Sheriff’s office announced today that the controversial Wayne Brown Correctional facility will close next month and reopen as a daycare center and frozen yogurt shop.

The move comes after months of deliberation by law enforcement and the board of supervisors on what to do with the aging county jail.

“Well, we had to do something with it,” said retired Deputy Sheriff Douglas Bellwater. “I mean they don’t even lock up the inmates anymore. They let them roam around the place. So I guess it’s just better to let them out and wander the streets of Nevada City.”

According to Sheriff Office spokeswoman Bethany Millbright, the goal was not to allow criminals to wander the streets, but rather to give kids a place to hang out and have scrumptious frozen treats with various toppings.

“Look, I know what you all are thinking,” said Ms. Millbright in an early morning press conference with the local media. “But it’s just not that. We want to convert the facility into something that’s really needed: daycare and frozen yogurt. Eventually we’re planning a wine tasting area as well, but that’s a few months down the road.”

Other changes that are coming to the County Office complex are less controversial. The social services offices is going to be converted into a Native American casino, and there are talks of converting sizable parts of the Rood Center into a Trader Joes store.

Michael Stephen
Michael Stephen
Michael has been through pretty much everything, and his sole aspiration is to get you through it more quickly and with less pain.

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