American Celebrities Travel to Syria To Act as Human Shields

The celebrities are being supported by liberal group Liberal Educated Support By Occupation or L.E.S.B.O.
The celebrities are being supported by liberal group Liberal Educated Support By Occupation.

Damascus, Syria — A civil war has plagued the country of Syria for 6 years. It has created hundreds of thousands of refugees. But today, their prayers have been answered. American celebrities Dustin “Screech” Diamond, Tom Green, Snooki and Andy Dick have arrived in Syria to act as human shields to prevent more American bombings. They hope their prescience will bring attention to the war atrocities happening there daily.

The celebrities are being supported by the activist group Liberal Educated Support By Occupation. The group recruited the celebrities and has its Damascus branch looking after their well being while in Syria.

The head of LESBO, Jeanine Garabolos spoke to The Fazzler about the Syrian operation.

“We are so proud of our dignitaries, they have risked their lives to protect the innocent,” said Garabolos. “There have been some minor set backs, but we believe our message is being heard.”

The setbacks mentioned by Garabolos have nearly derailed their campaign in Syria. Dustin “Screech” Diamond was found in his room tied to his bed with feces all over his chest. Diamond still has not spoken of the incident, but told us to watch for a new video on share site YouTube.

The setbacks did not stop there.

Snooki was attacked by local women who she was doing outreach work for. The women took offense to her and began throwing rocks at her. One of the rocks hit her upper lip, rupturing the collagen implant inside, sending her to a local hospital. Snooki is not discouraged though saying, “we are doing gawd’s work here.”

The real setback has been with Andy Dick, who broke away from the rest of the group with his “Team Dick” campaign. He is currently missing, he was last seen telling jokes to a group of men wearing black clothing.

The only success LESBO has had is with Tom Green. He has taken to the culture and is wearing the clothing of the locals. Rumor is he has also taken on two  Syrian wives and has converted to Islam. He has become a favorite of the locals after issuing a Fatwah on fava beans.

Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.

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