Area Rabbit Unimpressed by 1980s-era New Wave Music

Area Rabbit "Vampire" says she can't stand the 1980s New Wave band Duran Duran.
Area Rabbit “Vampire” says she can’t stand the 1980s New Wave band Duran Duran.

Modesto, CA —  An area rabbit has become extremely bored after listening to 44-year-old Jamie Andrews’ entire Duran Duran music collection. Mt Andrews’ rabbit “Vampire” has been his companion for over 2 years and up until this point, considered herself a “music eclectic.”

“I don’t like judge people by their music,” Vampire said in an exclusive interview, “but I gotta tell you, this Duran Duran stuff is just awful. Did someone who speaks English as a second language come up with these lyrics or what?”

According to Mr. Andrews, Vampire’s prefers some classic rock, Baroque period music and the “experimentations” of late 1960s avant-garde musician of Captain Beefheart.

“I know what you’re thinking,” said Mr. Andrews, “why does a rabbit have such a bad attitude towards early to mid 80s Angular New Wave music? And why is she so outspoken about it? Well I have my theories, but the main one is about snobbery. He just thinks Beefheart and [Frank] Zappa’s catalogs are better than whimsical songs like Girls on Film and Rio.”

It’s unclear when Vampire came to detest such Reagan-era music, and when the little creature gained the ability to speak. However she’s adamant that Duran Duran will never make it on another one of her play-lists.

“I know Jamie thinks I’m a snob,” continued Vampire, “but I’m not. I just need something with more artistic nutrition and less, um, you know, stupid fucking lyrics and mindless melodies.”

Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair is Gish Gallop's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.

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