Area Senior Can’t Stop Computer From Printing

Grass Valley, CA — Reynaldo M. Rodriguez’s printer has stopped working correctly. Mr. Rodriguez prints “every god-damned email” he gets because he’s afraid he’ll lose it.

“I print every email because I’m not sure what happens to it after I read it,” an exasperated Mr. Rodriguez said in a phone interview with The Fazzler. “My daughter from Los Gatos sends me an email every day, so I print them.”

This past Friday, tragedy struck the Rodriguez household when Mr. Rodriguez’s HP-CP1045, with 106B ink cartridges he bought from Costco, would not stop printing. Nobody is certain what caused the printer error, but there are family suspicions that Mr. Rodriguez tampered with the advanced printer settings before the incident.

“Oh shit,” lamented Mr. Rodriguez, “now I’m gonna have to talk to James, my asshole son-in-law. He’s really condescending and impatient with me when it comes to computers.”

Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair is Gish Gallop's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.

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