Area Witches Protest Etsy’s Ban on “Supernatural Goods”

Maeve Zephyr Crow and her partner Floura Klia Purae Omallia demonstrating an anti-vaccine ritual at the Columbia Schoolhouse
Maeve Zephyr Crow and her partner Floura Klia Purae Omallia demonstrating an anti-vaccine ritual at the Columbia Schoolhouse

North San Juan, CA — After the popular peer-to-peer (P2P) e-commerce recently banned the sale of “any metaphysical service that promises or suggests it will effect a physical change (e.g., weight loss) or other outcome (e.g., love, revenge),” area witches took to social media to protest. This comes on the heals of cracking down on the “advice, spells, curses, hexing, conjuring, magic, prayers, blessing services, magic potions, [and] healing sessions.”

“This is just terrible news for my partner and I,” said Dianic witch Maeve Zephyr Crow at the North Columbia Schoolhouse Cultural Center where she agreed to meet The Fazzler for an interview. “We have had great success treating Autism with our ancient sacred Goddess practices. We’ve relied on to help our clients after our sessions, so this announcement is just terrible for Floura [Maeve’s partner Floura Klia Purae Omallia]. She hasn’t left the roof in three days and is chanting indecipherable things.”

Other vendors and practitioners  who specialize in supernatural goods, witchcraft supplies, and similar items have been negatively affected by this recent change.

“Swathes of us have now had our sales and shop views tank, and there is great distress in the metaphysical community,” said one witch, who wished to remain anonymous for fear of her mother finding out. She explained that under Etsy’s previous rules, spells and hexes were allowed to be sold, as long as they fit two criteria:  They didn’t guarantee results, and they produced something tangible. So you could sell a tarot reading as long as it came with, say, a digital download, or a candle that could be used for casting spells, as long as you didn’t guarantee that the spell would actually work.

Under the new guidelines, which went into effect earlier this month, such items are not allowed to be sold, even if the description includes a “for entertainment purposes only” or similar disclaimer.

Mrs. Longshoes' Etsy page
Mrs. Longshoes‘ Etsy page featuring her protective hats.

A June 11 post by the admin on an Etsy forum addressing batshit crazy seller concerns sought to convey reassurance:

To be clear, this is not a ban on all metaphysical items. At Etsy, we believe in freedom of thought, expression, and religion. You may sell astrological charts, tarot readings, and other tangible objects, as long as you are not making a promise that object will effect a physical change or other outcome, such as weight loss, love, or revenge. Medical drug claims or claims of a medical cure are also not allowed. We will reach out to affected sellers and give them a chance to make changes. We want sellers of all sizes to be successful on Etsy and we will try to help bring them into compliance with our policies.

As for Maeve and Floura, they’re not giving up.

“Well, we’ve just a huge source of income,” continued a solemn Maeve. “And we’re not alone here on the Ridge [North San Juan Ridge]. Merrilee down the road from here can’t sell her protective Electo-Magnetic hats anymore because of this decision. There’s a lot of us up here without trust funds that might have to find something else to do now. My heart just weeps for all the Autistic children we’re not going to be able to save.”

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Fink is a man of many words, and many web links. He likes to argue and seldom loses. Mostly because he’s well informed. And somewhat gassy.

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