Bernie Sanders Proposes Lower Interest Rates for the Poor

Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont is proposing "tiered" interest rates based on your income.
Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont is proposing “tiered” interest rates based on your income.

Burlington, VT — Senator Bernie Sanders announced today that he plans on introducing legislation to have a progressive form of interest rates based on one’s level of income. Calling it the “Progressive Usury Act of 2018,” the elder and self-proclaimed Social Democrat from Vermont says the new proposed law should help “equalize the loan opportunities for this nation’s under-served.”

“Let me be clear Anderson,” said Senator Sanders speaking on CNN’s Anderson Cooper 360 this past Thursday night. “If you’re wealthy, you have no problem getting loans and low-interest rates. But if you’re poor, like many Americans are, then you’re paying more interest for less money. And that’s not the America I think we should be living in.”

Details are slim, but according to sources close to the aging Senator, the plan calls for a tiered interest rate program with people below the poverty line being able to borrow equal amounts of money as someone four times their income at a 1/4 of the interest rates. Lower income earners will also have a longer time to pay back their loans.

“I know some are going to say this is unfair to the nation’s wealthy,” continued Mr. Sanders, “but they already have their fair share of the wealth. Of course the poor will have to have an income beyond public assistance and entitlements, but I think this will be a real game-changer for this country. It’s long overdue.”

Critics of the proposal claim that guaranteeing loans for people with pre-existing poverty will just make loans more expensive.

“This is another example of Senator Sanders going off the deep end,”  said former House Speaker, current Fox News commentator and doughy marshmallow Newt Gingrich. “This is what socialism is all about. It’s about remaking America into a place that doesn’t reward rich and powerful people for their hard work.”

It’s unclear if Senator Sanders’ proposal will make it out of committee.

Roy Riffle
Roy Riffle
Our youngest columnist, Roy Riffle gained fortune, though not necessarily fame, when at 9 years old he coined the phrase "Obey Your Thirst". Some of his smugness stems from "having read the bible and understanding the metaphors." Roy is currently the only Millennial on Gish Gallop payroll. And hopefully the last.

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