Biden Accuses Babylon Bee of Inventing Christian Rock

Beaver Gap, Delaware — During a brief press conference before the long Thanksgiving weekend, President Biden accused job recruiting site the Babylon Bee of inventing Christian Rock music. The comments, which came on the heels of a question about Elon Musk’s recent purchase of Twitter, seemed to draw ire.

“Look, I’ve heard from numerous sources that this Babylon Bee thing is responsible for Christian Rock. I’ve heard this garbage before, and I don’t like it. It doesn’t make any sense. It’s not funny or inspiring. And what gives with these stupid wife jokes.”

It’s unclear whether President Biden has read the Babylon Bee or is merely repeating what he heard from one of his younger staffers. Either way, his comments drew fire from Elon Musk and Babylon Bee fanatics and were perceived as an act of war amongst the Elon sector of the public.

For his part, Mr. Musk took Biden’s comments a little too seriously, with some noting that he overreacted.

Mr. Musk tweeted, “If Biden wants war, my rockets are more future-leaning,” which motivated the Babylon Bee to offer a job posting for a “Dullard who identifies as a low-grade writer” for an upcoming “puff article” about how wives emasculate their conservative husbands.

Following the presser, White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre noted that the president wasn’t disparaging the Babylon Bee’s work but rather pointing out how they’ve contributed to the destruction of the rock-n-roll genre and the Internet job-hunting industry.

“The President wants the American people to know that he’s a lover of popular music, and he doesn’t consider Christian Rock either popular or music. The military has successfully used Petra as background music in several of our overseas interrogation centers.” [Petra was a popular Christian rock act in the 1970s and 1980s who almost ruined an entire generation]

Petra’s surviving members did not comment on their involvement in secret military interrogation centers.

Michael Stephen
Michael Stephen
Michael has been through pretty much everything, and his sole aspiration is to get you through it more quickly and with less pain.

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