CalTech Scientist Surprised to Find Willard Scott Still Alive

Willard Scott was discovered alive via gamma radiation from a distance Black Hole.
Willard Scott was discovered alive via gamma radiation from a distant Black Hole.

Pasadena, CA — According to CalTech astrophysicist Dr. Tral Aldrich, there is a distinct possibility that Willard Scott is still alive. Dr. Aldrich, who has written extensively on String Theory and alternative universes, maintains that what we see and perceive on a daily basis may not be real, however, he is willing to make an exception for the popular weatherman, author, television personality and occasional actor.

“We didn’t know where Willard Scott went, but then after studying S5 0014+81 [S5 0014+81 in a distant, compact, hyperluminous, broad-absorption line quasar or blazar located near the high declination region of the constellation Cepheus], we think he’s alive.” Said Dr. Aldrich in a The Fazzler telephone interview. “We detected odd bursts of gamma radiation that had the signature of Willard Scott all over them. I know that sounds weird, but that’s how the math plays out. What we haven’t understood, is just where he is. And now that we’ve discovered that he is still alive, well, this changes everything.”

Willard Scott, who is not a meteorologist,  graduated from the American University with a degree in philosophy and religion. He later went on to host radio programs in the 1950s and later in the 1960s, he famously played the first Ronald McDonald clown. He is best known for being the weatherman on NBC’s Today show until 1996 when he was replaced by Al Roker. After leaving the Today Show, the public assumed he was dead. Al Roker is currently presumed to be alive.

CalTech Astrophysicist Dr. Tral Aldrich wasn't expecting to find Willard Scott in the gamma radiation field.
CalTech astrophysicist Dr. Tral Aldrich wasn’t expecting to find Willard Scott in the gamma radiation field.

“That’s the thing,” continued Dr. Aldrich. “Where has he been? And more importantly, how did Mr. Scott somehow express himself in gamma radiation form? Of course what’s on everyone mind is the same. Will he return to the Today Show, and in what form?”

It is unclear whether Mr. Scott will return to the Today Show. If he does return, now that he’s approaching the century mark in age, the real question seems obvious to his fans.

“I want to know if he’ll celebrate his own 100th birthday,” questioned Mary Shilling of Penn Valley. “With all the turmoil in the world, ISIS and other Moslem [sic] terrorists you know, the world could use a little more Willard Scott. He was such a sweet man. I’m glad he’s alive in outer space or wherever.”

Request for comments on Mr. Willard’s reappearance went unanswered by NBC.

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Fink is a man of many words, and many web links. He likes to argue and seldom loses. Mostly because he’s well informed. And somewhat gassy.

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