Denny’s To Charge For Premium Service

Spartanburg, SC —  Denny’s, is a favorite American diner dating back to 1953. Denny’s began in Lakewood, CA, as a donut shop and evolved into the 1700 restaurant chain today. Best known for its “Grand-Slam” breakfast, Denny’s is not as famous or as good as it once was. As a result, Denny’s is adding a “tiered” service menu to generate more revenue and attract new customers:  good service, decent service, or regular terrible service.

Denny’s waitress, Delora Stein, has been with Denny’s for 33 years. She love’s the new service menu.

“It’s great,” she said. “I don’t need an excuse anymore for ignoring people. They think this job is easy, and I’m here to cater to them. But, uh-uh sweetie, if it ain’t payin’, I ain’t stayin’.”

Delora Stein
Delora Stein

Customers, however, feel that it is abusive and want the menu thrown away. Tom Scellunovova, a regular at the Waddy, KY Denny’s, is livid about the new menu.

“Why the hell should I have to pay for the same crap service that I used to get for free?” Scellunovova told The Fazzler. “I may as well go cook it myself!”

Denny’s upper management thinks that this will be a huge boost to get them back into profitability.

“Who doesn’t like great service?” questioned Bob Smee, East Coast Manager of Denny’s, “We think people will pay extra to have a great waitress, a clean menu with no syrup on it, extra napkins, and quick drink refills. It is an untapped source of revenue. But, of course, people can still opt for our normal terrible service with a questionable waiter and a menu that should be in a bio-level lock-down. It is all about options.”

The program is set to roll out in select cities next week.

Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.

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