Future Active Shooter Disappointed About C- Manifesto Grade

Clovis, CA — Future active shooter and area incel Garth Gall spent the latter half of the day sulking after receiving a C- minus on his manifesto entitled “Rotting From the Inside Out: Make America Great Again.” Mr. Gall claims he spent over two months writing and rewriting his treatise on the evils of immigration, the demise of pro-European culture, and the “dilution of white genes” by the “Great Replacement.”

“Damn, this is a bummer. I had all my arguments supported with facts, too,” said future active shooter Garth Gall, 21, of Clovis, CA. “I mean, I had all the math on how I could increase jobs for white patriots just by taking out a few illegals.”

According to his writing composition Associate Professor at Fresno State, Mr. Gall needs to tone it down.

“Garth is a very talented writer with a knack for alliteration,” said associate professor Debra Forrestor. “But these themes he writes about–you know–about the deep state and illegal immigration are not appropriate. Well, they’re racist and bigoted. So I reported him to the Dean as per the Humanities College suspicious person protocol.”

The Dean of Fresno State’s College of the Humanities, Stave Houston, confirmed that Mr. Gall’s suspension is in progress while reviewing his writings. As for Garth, he’s not worried about his suspension or the perception that he may be a threat to others.

“Come on. I figured clapping a crowd in Clovis could close this confusion,” clamored Gall, “but I found no crowds in Clovis. So can’t a cadet come to a common conclusion?”

Roy Riffle
Roy Rifflehttps://www.facebook.com/roy.riffle.5
Our youngest columnist, Roy Riffle gained fortune, though not necessarily fame, when at 9 years old he coined the phrase "Obey Your Thirst". Some of his smugness stems from "having read the bible and understanding the metaphors." Roy is currently the only Millennial on Gish Gallop payroll. And hopefully the last.

More from author

Related posts

Advertisment

Latest posts

Healthcare Execs Vow to Do Better By Building Bulletproof Boardrooms and Automating Claim Denials

Healthcare execs fortify boardrooms with titanium desks, deny claims faster with AI, and sip champagne on yachts, all while dismissing public outrage. Patients suffer, CEOs profit. Welcome to “healing,” corporate style.

Texas Elementary School Under Fire for Staging Old Testament Murder Play

A Texas elementary school stages a shockingly violent Old Testament reenactment, sparking cheers from evangelicals, outrage from moderates, and a nationwide debate on religion, education, and the boundaries of public faith expression.

Elon Musk’s Dept. of Government Efficiency Demands a $1 Trillion Dollar Budget

Elon Musk's Department of Government Efficiency shocks Washington with a $1 trillion budget request filled with outlandish items like laser-guided detectors and a morale-boosting Dogecoin fund. Musk's ongoing presence at Mar-a-Lago stirs amusement and mild annoyance, with Trump reportedly telling a waiter, "He's your problem now." Public reactions range from raised eyebrows to full-blown cackles in true Monty Python fashion