Garbage Collector Tired Of Finding Dead Bodies

New York, NY — We see it all the time, on the news or in the paper, or even on Law & Order: dead bodies are often found in trash cans and dumpsters. James Fettorcini is a trash collector in the Bronx, NY. He holds the official Department of Waste record for the dead bodies found, and as impressive as the record is, it is beginning to weigh on him.

The Fazzler spoke with James about his record.

“Yeah, man, 41 dead bodies. Everything from kids to hookers.” James looked off in the distance. “I can’t believe this has happened to me. At first, the notoriety was great, the guys even bought a cake when I got the record, but those were people.”

We asked James if he had sought treatment from a therapist.

“Yeah, but she just wanted my autograph to see the pictures I took of the dead bodies. What the hell is wrong with people?”

Two days after the interview with James, we heard he found two more, bringing his record count to 43. Mr. Fettorcini declined to comment.

Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.

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