Humpty Dumpty to Offer “I’ll Just Have a Bite of His” Menu Section

Grass Valley, CA — The Humpty Dumpty Kitchen on East Main Street launched a new and somewhat controversial menu section called “Have a Bite of His.” According to people close to the new offering, management felt it needed to capture the “I’m hungry, but don’t want to admit I’m hungry market.”

Although the new section is admittedly snark, it does contain several actual items designed to appeal to the eaters who can’t bring themselves to order full menu dishes.

“When you think about it, there’s no micro-aggression or bias here,” said Sierra College sociology associate instructor Sam Rowan who asked to remain anonymous. “They have kids menus and senior menus. They even have a section for people watching their calories right next to the sides of sausage gravy. So why not this?”

The menu contains frugal gems such as a 1/4 of a chicken breast, four baby carrot sticks, and a salad that claims to provide the dressing is on the side, but no dressing is served. There are two beverages: Diet Coke and water, but the non-eating eating diners have the option of asking for a second straw, so they drink from their partner’s glass.

Of course, a good portion of the new section labeled number 42: “I’ll just have a bite of his.” This allows the not hungry but very hungry patrons to avoid any embarrassment by simply uttering the number 42.

“It’s been working out great,” said Humpty Dumpty waitress Daisey Lane. “When people order the 42, we bring an extra fork. It also makes clean-up much easier. The only downside is the tips suck, but that goes with the business.”

Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair is Gish Gallop's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.

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