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Los Angeles, CA — Illegal immigration has taken a front seat spot for our federal government. Yet many U.S. cities have declared themselves sanctuaries for illegal immigrants to live free against federal laws. Pedro, an 11-year-old gay Mexican burro, made the long journey, burrowing underneath the border and arriving at the Catholic Holy United Church of Christ in Los Angeles, California. The burro has been taken against federal law and is officially seeking asylum as a political refugee.

Church Priest Andreas DeLeon, himself an immigrant to the United States, spoke to The Fazzler about Pedro.

“Pedro came to us from Tijuana where he was part of, um, how shall we say, an adult entertainment act,” said Pastor Andreas. “The least we can do is take him in and help him heal from his wounds.”

But not all the church’s members are happy about Pedro’s presence.

“He frickin’ shits all over the floor without cleaning it up,” said Carla, a church member. “What will it say to our children bringing in a gay burro? He should be tossed out on his ass!”

Pedro takes all the controversy surrounding his arrival in stride. He understands that not everyone will approve of his lifestyle.

“First off, I’m from Honduras, not Mexico,” said a distraught and slightly annoyed Pedro. “Just because I’m illegal, doesn’t automatically make me Mexican.”

Immigration lawyer Jose Ramirez has taken Pedro’s case. He is trying to get his client citizenship. It would be the first time a burro would be considered for refugee status.

A commune in Nevada City, CA, has offered to take Pedro in, though the group is still under investigation for a dolphin masturbation ring it operated until late last year.

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Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.