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Dayton, OH — Introverts around the world are celebrating the latest round in “social distancing,” now being encouraged by most governments in efforts to fight the spread of the novel COVID-19 virus. This was most clear this week by the organizers of the 42nd annual International Introverts Conference (IIC) held in Dayton, OH.

“All of our scheduled attendees are relieved that they’re required to stay at home and away from other people,” said IIC Chief Introvert Gavin Smalls. The latter admitted that the event has never been well attended, to begin with. “A conference of introverts is indeed painful for everyone, but I have to say, even I am happy about staying at home so I can work on my model airplanes.”

Social distancing is a term applied to specific nonpharmaceutical infection control actions taken by public health officials to stop or slow down the spread of a highly contagious disease. Drawbacks of social distancing can include loneliness, reduced productivity, and the loss of other benefits associated with human interaction. This issue isn’t a problem for introverts.

“People who cancel our plans before I get up the courage to cancel them myself are my kind of people,” said attendee Omaha, Nebraska introvert Danielle Baber who said she plans instead on ‘parking her butt on her couch’ in something called a snuggy. “As an introvert, most of the conversations I’ve ever had are imaginary anyway, so I can just attend the conference in my head and have a great time.”

According to Dayton Mayor Kathleen Kanter, the city is disappointed about the canceled IIC conference but will recover.

“We’re living in an unprecedented time. But to be honest, the ICC has never drawn any significant crowds to Dayton. I heard that upwards of 40,000 invitations go out each year, and only about 150 people show up. And those are mostly the organizers who are forced to appear,” commented Mayor Kanter.

Mr. Smalls says that even though this year’s conference was canceled, they plan on holding next year at the same time.

“Well, we’ll do it again, but I’d be lying if everyone wasn’t hoping for another cancelation.”