Jogger Wounded by Falling Bitcoin Near Empire State Building

New York, NY — A New Jersey woman is recovering at Mount Sinai Hospital after getting hit in the head by falling Bitcoin earlier today on 33rd street underneath the Empire State Building. Jan Tippington was jogging with her husband when 42 falling Bitcoins pelted her. The 42-year-old mother of two said she initially didn’t feel anything, but due to volatile cryptocurrency prices, she was unconscious when she arrived at 6th Avenue.

At the time of impact, Bitcoin was valued at $1000, but within one minute, it skyrocketed to approximately $145,654.42. No word yet on if the injury sustained by this woman and her athletic family were a factor in the further plummeting of the famous fake coin. While Bitcoin is not a physical, solid object, it does carry substantial weight.

That weight came to bear on a New York jogger’s head as she exercised her morning run through Manhattan’s financial district.

“I had no idea Bitcoin, or any other cryptocurrency, would be plummeting from such heights yesterday,” a wounded Jan Tippington, the jogger, said from her hospital bed. “If I knew what could happen, I wouldn’t have been running around that part of town.”

According to the NYPD, Jared Pedosandy threw the Bitcoin from the observation deck at approximately 10:34 am. Details are unclear, but according to accounts from bystanders, Mr. Pedosandy had just thrown away his gum seconds after tossing the cryptocurrency over the barrier and screamed something about John Lennon.

“He was just wandering around talking about John Lennon,” said Carol Kranonivich, who was visiting from St. Paul, Minnesota. “Then he took out a stick of Juicy Fruit, chewed it for about 10 seconds, and then threw it out. What kind of animal does that?”

There are no reports of anybody being hit by the falling gum.

Tippington, expected to recover fully, has no hard feelings about it.

“Look, it could have happened to anyone. But, of course, this would have never happened if the crypto market wasn’t so volatile.”

Michael Stephen
Michael Stephen
Michael has been through pretty much everything, and his sole aspiration is to get you through it more quickly and with less pain.

More from author

Related posts


Latest posts

Sotheby’s To Auction Off Original Prototype of MyPillow

Sotheby’s stuns with a once-in-a-lifetime auction, offering the original MyPillow prototype—purportedly stuffed with the essence of the American dream—set to redefine luxury sleep and history, one overpriced, patriotically infused bid at a time.

McDonald’s Bids Farewell to Epstein Island’s Last Golden Arches Amid Controversial Legacy

The McDonald’s on Epstein Island has shuttered its windows for good, marking the end of what the company now refers to as a "misguided adventure in international franchising." The closure comes amidst a whirlwind of controversy and a belated corporate acknowledgment that some locations, no matter how potentially profitable, are better left un-McTouched.

Bombshell Uncovered: Hunter S. Thompson’s Lost ‘Dr. Strangelove’ Audition

A recently unearthed photograph has revealed the unimaginable: Hunter S. Thompson, king of gonzo journalism, once commandeered the captain’s seat of a B-52, not in the throes of a drug-fueled fantasy, but as a contender for the iconic role in Kubrick’s 'Dr. Strangelove.' The discovery challenges everything we thought we knew about the man who lived on the edge of American sanity.