John McCain Demoted for Snoozing

Senator John McCain has been re-assigned to a new role in the Senate.
Senator John McCain has been re-assigned to a new role in the Senate.

Washington D.C. — Congressman John McCain has come under heavy fire recently. His erratic behavior and constant war mongering have become an everyday annoyance to his fellow Congress members as well as the public. Congress, finally fed up with McCain’s antics, has used a little known and never used act that allows them to demote a Congress person without a public vote. The Hardy Act was a bill added to a railroad funding bill back in 1878. It allows for a Congress person to be demoted and moved to another government job.

Senators Chuck Schumer and Mitch McConnell both brought the bipartisan matter to the Senate in a closed doors hearing. The vote was 99-1 in favor of demoting John McCain from Congress.

Senators Schumer spoke to The Fazzler shortly after the hearing was over.

“To say it plainly, we are tired of his shit. I do not even think he knows where he is, let alone what happened today,” said Schumer. “He was caught playing Sudoku and then napping during an intelligence hearing.We have decided to place him in charge of White House lawn maintenance, it just seems like a fitting position for him.”

McCain’s first day did not go as planned though. He ran out on the grass after the helicopter Marine One landed and proceeded to yell at the President to, “get the fuck off my lawn!” McCain was tackled by the President’s security detail and escorted back to the lawn care shed where he has his office.

Senator McCain is at least taking his job seriously, he has submitted a request for 2,000 active duty troops to form a perimeter around the White House lawn with a “shoot on sight” order for squirrels straying on to White House grass.

Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.

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