Area Man with 17 Bumper Stickers Can’t Fit One More

Nevada City, CA — Nevada City resident Toby “Doob” Carnevale has no trouble telling you what’s on his mind. And he does so on the back of his 2009 Toyota Prius, where he has 17 bumper stickers attached. Mr. Carnevale has no room left for his latest “Be nice to America, Or We’ll Bring Democracy to Your Country” sticker.

“Yeah, it’s a bummer. I got this one at the farmer’s market in front of the New York Hotel,” a disappointed Carnevale said referring to the recent democracy sticker. “Look how orange it is. This would have really tied the whole back end of my car together right next to my Autobahn World Tour ’87 one. Too bad.”

There seems to be two discrete types of people in the United States: ones who likes bumper stickers, and those who will kick your ass if you put one on their car. Mr. Carnevale is an enthusiastic member of the former group.

“I started adding bumper stickers right after I bought the Prius,” said Mr. Carnevale out in front of his Nevada City home. “The first one was ‘US out of Central America,’ even though we were kinda already out of there by then. My buddy Shep says I’m nuts.”

When asked about his collecting habits, a grin came on Mr. Carnevale’s face. “Well, I don’t really have a method. If I see something I like, I buy it. I generally like political sayings, but look at this one, ‘Dance like your vagina’s on fire.’ I was trying to be ironic because I don’t have a vagina. And this one, ‘I’m speeding cause I really have to poop.’ I thought that was funny,” chucked Mr. Carnevale as he pointed at his car.

When asked for the plans for his bumper sticker-laden tailgate, Mr. Carnevale was unsure. “Some of these are pretty worn. I could scrape them off and put on new ones.”

Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair is Gish Gallop's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.

More from author

Related posts

Advertisment

Latest posts

McDonald’s Bids Farewell to Epstein Island’s Last Golden Arches Amid Controversial Legacy

The McDonald’s on Epstein Island has shuttered its windows for good, marking the end of what the company now refers to as a "misguided adventure in international franchising." The closure comes amidst a whirlwind of controversy and a belated corporate acknowledgment that some locations, no matter how potentially profitable, are better left un-McTouched.

Bombshell Uncovered: Hunter S. Thompson’s Lost ‘Dr. Strangelove’ Audition

A recently unearthed photograph has revealed the unimaginable: Hunter S. Thompson, king of gonzo journalism, once commandeered the captain’s seat of a B-52, not in the throes of a drug-fueled fantasy, but as a contender for the iconic role in Kubrick’s 'Dr. Strangelove.' The discovery challenges everything we thought we knew about the man who lived on the edge of American sanity.