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Nevada City, CA — The new owners of the planned Pine Street Popeyes Fried Chicken franchise received some good news from the City’s planning commission this week. After the committee announced that it would allow Verizon contractor Epic Wireless to install as many as eight mini cell towers on top of the Friar Tuck’s building, new Popeye s owner Nathan Armstrong said the increased Electromagnetic Field (EMF) radiation would help cut his energy costs.

“Well, we were already planning on going in this Summer,” said Popeyes Fried Chicken owner/operator Nathan Armstrong in a telephone interview from his Roseville, CA office. “But when we learned that there would be EMFs nearby, we did high-fives around the office because we’ll be able to harness that power for our warmers and fryers. It could save us thousands of dollars a month.”

Over the past decade, a rather substantial number of people claim that they suffer from ‘electromagnetic sensitivity’ via extended, and some would argue, systematic exposure to electromagnetic fields from cell phone towers, microwave ovens, “smart” utility power meters, power lines and indoor wireless (WiFi) routers.

The majority of provocation trials to date on the topic have found that self-described sufferers of electromagnetic hypersensitivity cannot distinguish between exposure and non-exposure to electromagnetic fields is not recognized as a medical condition by the medical or scientific communities. And even though there exist only anecdotal and correlative evidence to support these claims, many maintain that they are seriously harmed by invisible non-sense.

For people who work all day long every day in downtown near these proposed ‘towers,'” said Skyy Wolford of North San Juan, CA, “this isn’t something to kid around about.”  Implying that these towers somehow produce more non-ionizing radiation than the Sun, the Earth, or the person who sleeps next to you at night.

As for Mr. Armstrong, he doesn’t understand why people are so upset.

“I’m not sure what’s in the water up there in Nevada County,” continued Mr. Armstrong, “but fearing Cell towers is energy misplaced, especially when it will give you delicious Popeyes fried chicken. We have real problems we have to deal with. These people who are afraid of something as common as the Sun really need to focus on more pressing issues. Like chicken.”