Newton Reveals That He Is Black Quarterback

Panthers quarterback Cam Newton reveals that he is indeed black during a press conference.
Panthers quarterback Cam Newton reveals that he is indeed black during a press conference.

Santa Clara, CA — Carolina Panthers superstar, Cam Newton, delivered a startling revelation during his Thursday meet and greet with Super Bowl media, disclosing for the first time that he is, in fact, a black quarterback. The startling news came towards the tail end of what to that point had been an ordinary press conference, consisting mainly of canned responses to predictable questions. Santa Cruz Sentinel social media reporter, Phelan Jennings, however, was able to break through Newton’s steely demeanor.

“I always try to think of new angles that haven’t been tried, which isn’t easy in a Super Bowl environment, where these guys have been prodded and picked over for days on end,” related Jennings.

“Right up until I got to the mic, I was going to ask him about his dabbing in the end zone, but then an idea hit me,” Jennings continued.

“So, I just figured I’d ask him straight ‘How long have you been a black quarterback?’ I just figured people would want to know.”

Unsurprisingly, Newton’s confirmation that he had, in fact, been a black quarterback for as long as he’d been playing football sent a frisson of shock through a room full of seasoned reporters.

“At that point, it was just sort of open season,” Jennings continued, somewhat apologetically. “They were all over him.”

The questions that followed were numerous and occasionally revealing. When did Newton first suspect he might be a black quarterback? Had he tried to fight it at all? Did he think he’d continue to be a black quarterback in the future or was the condition reversible? And, most importantly, did he think that this unexpected news of his black quarterbackhood might adversely affect the Panthers’ chances in Sunday’s Super Bowl 50?

Panthers media personnel whisked Newton away from the podium before he was able to comment further. Developments on this breaking story are expected to inflate the already impressive media hype surrounding what will now be the first Super Bowl to feature two black quarterbacks Cam Newton and Peyton Manning.

Horst Schrempf
Horst Schrempfhttps://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100007924185592
Horst Schrempf is Gish Gallop's occasional columnist and reluctant correspondent. He typically re-covers the beats already covered by previous reporters, adding more adjectives and sometimes adverbs to their copy. It actually works quite well. We think Mr. Schrempf lives in Grass Valley, CA, however we have not been able to determine his exact location. We suspect he might be hiding in Thailand. Last we heard, Mr. Schrempf was single, having lost his 2nd wife after the foundation of their self-built, Nevada City home gave way and crushed her in the crawl space.

More from author

Related posts

Advertisment

Latest posts

Sotheby’s To Auction Off Original Prototype of MyPillow

Sotheby’s stuns with a once-in-a-lifetime auction, offering the original MyPillow prototype—purportedly stuffed with the essence of the American dream—set to redefine luxury sleep and history, one overpriced, patriotically infused bid at a time.

McDonald’s Bids Farewell to Epstein Island’s Last Golden Arches Amid Controversial Legacy

The McDonald’s on Epstein Island has shuttered its windows for good, marking the end of what the company now refers to as a "misguided adventure in international franchising." The closure comes amidst a whirlwind of controversy and a belated corporate acknowledgment that some locations, no matter how potentially profitable, are better left un-McTouched.

Bombshell Uncovered: Hunter S. Thompson’s Lost ‘Dr. Strangelove’ Audition

A recently unearthed photograph has revealed the unimaginable: Hunter S. Thompson, king of gonzo journalism, once commandeered the captain’s seat of a B-52, not in the throes of a drug-fueled fantasy, but as a contender for the iconic role in Kubrick’s 'Dr. Strangelove.' The discovery challenges everything we thought we knew about the man who lived on the edge of American sanity.