Dove Releases Soap Dispenser Products For “Washing Your Asshole”

Dove products announced a new line of soap products to clean your butt hole.
Dove products announced a new line of soap products to clean your butt hole.

London, England — The United Kingdom-based Dove announced today a new line of soap dispenser products specifically designed to clean your butt hole. The new product, called Dove Real Clean, is targeted at the growing “anus grooming” market.

“We are extremely excited about Dove Really Clean,” said United States-based Dove Representative Bethany Millbright this past Friday. “The clean anus market has been steadily growing over the past few years and we felt it was time to take the plunge. Our test markets in Bakersfield, CA, and Derry, NH have proved successful. We even had reports of Really Clean bars being smuggled into Canada and the UK.”

The ‘anus grooming’ fad came into vogue about four years ago when actress and alt-health advocate Gwyneth Paltrow suggested to her followers that anal grooming and hygiene can lead to a happy life. In an article on her popular website entitled “Better Butt Health,” Ms. Paltrow suggested that there needed to be products specifically targeted at your butt hole. Her initial product line of “anus-appropriate” cleaning products became a hit, only topped by her vaginal steaming products.

Seeking to capitalize on this explosive marker Unilever, the parent company of Dove Brands invested over 6 million US Dollars into a new anal hygiene division in 2013.

“I’ve been using Really Clean for almost 6 months now,” said Nevada City, CA resident Stacy Grant who received a Dove anal test pack early last year. “My sister in Bakersfield sent me a case. At first, I was like, ‘Um, this is really weird and awkward,’ but after my first cleansing, I was hooked. Now I’m cleaning my parts down there twice a day, and I’m really happier.”

And it’s not just for women. Many men have found that having a cleaner butt hole has improved the quality of their lives.

“Look, guys don’t usually talk about this kind of stuff, but I gotta tell you, I love this crap,” said Stephen Jones of Derry, New Hampshire speaking with The Fazzler over the phone. “I mean, for the longest time, I didn’t tell anyone I was doing this, but then one day my buddy Frank asked me why I was so happy. And I told him. At first, he laughed at me, but then I gave him one of my canisters to try for himself. He’s not laughing anymore.”

The Dove Really Clean kit, which contains 6 canisters and a special applicator, will be available in the United States, Canada, and the United Kingdom sometime in late February.

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Fink is a man of many words, and many web links. He likes to argue and seldom loses. Mostly because he’s well informed. And somewhat gassy.

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