Government Officials Concerned About New “Railroad Track Challenge”

Chico, CA — Government officials have issued a warning to look for teenagers lying on railroad tracks. The phenomenon, which started on the Internet, is called the “Railroad Track Challenge” and dares primarily young people to lay on railroad tracks and get up at the last minute as a train approaches.

“We would like to be very clear on this matter,” said National Transportation Safety Board commissioner Susan Kantrowitz’s early morning press conference. “This is a hazardous activity not only for the people who engage in this behavior but also it endangers the lives of both train operators and passengers. I would also like to add that this activity is illegal, and people who violate the law face stiff fines and possible jail time.”

The Railroad Track Challenge is the latest in a long line of other “challenges” typically originated on the popular video site YouTube. It is unclear who proposed and promoted this dangerous game, but it comes on the heels of several older and arguably more famous Millennial Generation challenges that include:

  • The Extreme Phone Pinching Challenge – Inspired by a video released by the band Twenty One Pilots, social media users are turning “extreme phone pinching” into the latest viral challenge. The anxiety-inducing trend involves precariously holding your phone with just your thumb and forefinger over somewhere you really wouldn’t want it to fall. But, hey, when your parents are paying for everything, why should you give a fuck?
  • The Duct Tape Challenge – During the “duct tape challenge,” participants are tied with the adhesive for three minutes and then have an additional three minutes to escape. The video is then posted to social media, where it is often widely shared under #ducttapechallen. This is one of the more popular challenges among unemployed Millennials.
  • The Underboob Pen Challenge – Young women, are demonstrating their femininity — by exposing their boobs for everyone to see. They post photos of an impressive range of objects nestled under their breasts on social media. This, of course, will not affect young women’s self-esteem.
  • The Condom Challenge – The challenge involves filling a condom with water and engaging the services of an assistant to hold it above the participant’s head. It is then gently dropped onto the challenger’s head and should wrap itself around the person’s face and neck but remain intact, with no water being released.
  • The Human Flag Challenge involves using incredible body strength to suspend yourself sideways in mid-air to make a human flag — using a static object as the pole.
  • The Cinnamon Challenge – Perhaps the stupidest one of all until the Railroad Track challenge. The challenge’s objective is to film oneself eating a spoonful of ground cinnamon in under 60 seconds without drinking anything, then upload the video to the Internet. Of course, that is if you don’t die.

According to government officials, no one has been injured or killed because of this latest challenge, but they expect that to change soon.

Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair is Gish Gallop's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.

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