Pfizer Creates World’s First Non-GMO Vaccine

Pfizer creates world's first non-GMO MMR vaccine
Pfizer creates world’s first non-GMO MMR vaccine

Renton, WA — Pfizer Corporation, creator of drugs like cholesterol drug Lipitor, the erectile dysfunction drug Viagra and ChapStik lip balm, has created the world’s first NON-GMO vaccine for children. Pfizer will begin rolling out their MMR vaccine in the next few weeks after receiving FDA approval. The vaccine has been in the works for years following complaints from concerned parents who refuse to vaccinate their children. Pfizer hopes this breakthrough will convince those parents that there is nothing to fear from vaccines.

Pfizer spokesman Steve Reiner spoke to The Fazzler about the new vaccines.

“It truly is a miracle and should finally put to rest the concerns about vaccinations,”  said Reiner. “We are now using all natural Mercury in our vaccines, so cases of autism should be milder than those from earlier vaccines.”

Former anti-vaxxer Tina Strahan said, “This changes everything, finally big pharma has listened to the people. My kids will be in line for their shots next week.”

Pfizer spent an unprecedented $5.3 million dollars creating the new vaccine. They are now asking states to make their vaccine mandatory for kids between ages 3-7. The California legislature is creating a bill to pass the measure in the coming weeks, the push being led by CA Senator Ted Gaines (R).

Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.

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