QAnon Posts 4th Quarter Profit Despite Failed Predictions

Washington D.C. — The political landscape is littered with left and right-wing groups ranging from minor lobbying to Conspiracy Theory. None have become more popular than Far-Right Group QAnon. QAnon has posted numerous theories that the government is run by a secret cabal of pedophiles and lizard people. With a surprising cult-like following, QAnon has taken the spotlight from major media groups and cast itself as the front runner in Conservative news.

Along with a massive following on the internet, QAnon has become a power in the financial markets, listed as WAKO on the Nasdaq market. Bolstered by huge donations and sponsors like Reynolds Aluminum Foil and My Pillow, the group has posted a strong 4th quarter,  earning $1.7 billion.

QAnon organizer, site host, and CEO Jason Galenis released a statement on his website WAKO.com, the main site for QAnon users.

“We are pleased with our strong fourth-quarter earnings. We couldn’t have done this without the generous donations of our beloved fans. Rest assured that your money is going to… good use, fighting for truth, justice, and the American way”.

Analysts on Wall Street have been trying to figure out how this is possible after nearly every prediction made by the WAKO group has not come to fruition. Predictions that in January, after the election, a military coup would have resulted in Congress being arrested for treason and Trump remaining President.

Other failed QAnon predictions include Elvis returning from the lizard people planet Kalepto. Hot pockets being microwaved and used as bricks to build the border wall. And, The ink in tattoo’s reacting with chemtrail chemicals to cause cancer.

Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.

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