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Pyongyang, North Korea — North Korean leader Kim Jong Un’s weight has been the subject of ridicule since taking power after his Father’s death. Recently he became angered after John McCain called him “the lil fat kid.” After vowing to attack the U.S., Kim made a call to change his life and his weight forever.

The North Korean leader has reached out to American fitness guru Richard Simmons, who has helped thousands transform their lives and bodies. Simmons has been in Pyongyang since last week and has already helped redecorate the home of leader Kim Jong Un, giving it lots of colors and adding some tight shorts to Jong Un’s wardrobe.

Kim Jong Un is reportedly on an 1800 calorie diet and is ‘sweating to the oldies’ for 3 hours a day.

Simmons did have one misstep when he kept hugging Kim Jong Un and was thrown into jail for half a day. That did not deter Simmons as he had the jail guards singing show tunes by lunch.


Simmons was recorded as saying, “C’mon Jongy, they won’t take you seriously until you aren’t the only fattie in the country.”

Jong Un reportedly broke down in tears on the third day after hearing the song, “It’s my party (Ill cry if I want too),” saying his Father never hugged him, and he eats to fill the void it left inside him. He went on saying that he only tortures people that look like his Father. Simmons let him cry it out on his shoulder,

Simmons released a tweet saying that he was proud of Kim Jong Un, who is down 4 lbs. Assuming he is transforming and healing inside. Simmons thinks that it may break the ice in U.S. – N. Korea relations.

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Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.