Russian Oligarchs Threaten to Halt Luxury Yacht Production

Moscow, Russia — After the Western allies announced additional financial sanctions on Russian oligarchs, two prominent members of President Vladimir Putin’s financier insiders threatened to stop “any further yacht production” until their frozen and seized assets are released.

In response to Putin’s aggression against Ukraine, the Biden administration established a task force to pursue Russian oligarchs’ “yachts, luxury apartments, money, and ability to send their children to posh Western colleges.”  Also included in the sanctions was an odd prohibition of Ranch Dressing, a little-known necessity of the Russian super-rich.

The objective is to persuade the oligarchs to pressure Putin to halt the war and starve elites of salad dressing and other condiments.

Russia’s economy was already reeling as a result of the swift sanctions imposed by world leaders in the aftermath of the invasion: the country experienced cash shortages, the ruble plummeted, and at least two oligarchs — who have been sanctioned along with their families — called for an end to the conflict, even if they did not specifically name Putin. “Peace is critical!” Oleg Deripaska, a Russian billionaire, stated on social media Sunday. “Negotiations must begin immediately, or we’ll stop ordering yachts!”

According to economists, the global demand for superyachts is small, and their production has minimal impact on the economy. This misunderstanding from the Russian Oligarchs confirms how out of touch they are with average citizens. However, despite that apparent disconnect, it didn’t stop some from criticizing the sanctions.

“This is exactly the kind of thing that got us into this situation,” said Fox News’ Tucker Carlson coming to the defense of both Putin’s actions and the wealth of his oligarchs. “The envy of the wealth is not American and which is why I’m rooting for the superyachts.”

Still said President Trump will fix it, despite the fact President Biden has been in office for over a year.

“President Trump will fix this. He knows Putin, and I believe he will speak to him,” said Henry Hellville of Branson, Missouri sporting a MAGA hat. When reminded that President Biden was the current President, Hellville blamed him for high gas prices before claiming that “President Trump will fix that too.”

Yachts owned by Russian billionaires are on the move as the US and its allies pursue the wealthiest Russians in response to the invasion of Ukraine. As a result, according to some reports, the wealthiest Russians have fled to the sea, including Russian President Vladimir Putin.

According to data from MarineTraffic, a global intelligence firm, oligarchs’ yachts are moving to the Maldives, where we can easily find them. This includes Oleg Deripaska’s $65 million Clio and oil executive Vagit Alekperov’s $80 million “Super Dick[translated from Russian].”

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Fink is a man of many words, and many web links. He likes to argue and seldom loses. Mostly because he’s well informed. And somewhat gassy.

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