New Study: Chemtrails Are Great For Your Complexion

Grass Valley, CA — At Sierra Community College in Grass Valley, CA, science student Sandra Willis has made an ironic discovery about the utility of chemtrails: they are great for your complexion.

Most chemtrail theories say that the government is intentionally spraying people with harmful substances to experiment with the effects — or even to “weed out” the sick and elderly by disbursing aerosolized sulfur dioxide, aluminum, barium, and occasionally dirty diaper contents. However, Ms. Willis’ discovery might sway naysayers into the pro-chemtrail camp.

Ms. Willis did her term paper on the effects of chemtrails. She conducted numerous experiments to determine her findings.

The Fazzler spoke to Ms. Willis about her claims.

“Well, chemtrails are REAL! The evidence is everywhere. Do those look like ordinary clouds?” She pointed out the window at a cloud that resembled former Grateful Dead guitarist Jerry Garcia. “Natural ice crystals would not have melted away blemishes by now, but chemtrails do. During my experiments, I would collect morning dew from plants and study its effects on my skin. My results showed that my skin is so much smoother and moisturized. Chemtrails probably contain aloe. Or something.”

We asked Ms. Willis if she had any evidence to support her claim.

“Well, no, not really. But how else would you explain this? It is obvious where this comes from. Some former pilots have admitted it. I saw it on the internet!”

While we do not know if her claims are valid, her skin does look great. If you want to talk to Ms. Willis, look for her at school. She will be retaking her Earth Science class next semester.

Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.

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