Take Control: Rocker John Gallagher Announces Run for President

Heavy Metal rock innovator and bad-ass John Gallagher is running for President.
Heavy Metal rock innovator and bad-ass John Gallagher is running for President.

Richmond, VA — The Fazzler has learned that John Gallagher, the lead singer and bass player for the heavy metal band Raven, has announced he is seeking an independent run for President of the United States. Mr Gallagher, who is known for his “athletic” musical acumen, said it’s about time to “Take Control,” now, of the political process.

“The system is a mess,” said an enthusiastic Gallagher spokeswoman Bethany Millbright. “If you heard John sing and play, you know he means business. And he is going to fight tooth and nail for the American people. He knows the voters’ backs are against the wall, and there’s no way we are going to fail.”

John Gallagher, along with brother Mark Gallagher, is the founding member of the heavy metal band Raven. Touring with a new band called Metallica in the early 1980s, they ushered in a new sound that still can be heard in many acts to this day. Raven is known for their driving rhythms, progressive rock undertones, and what has been described by more than one critic as their “athletic” shows. At their breakneck speed, it’s almost as if Raven plays in multiple time dimensions.

“In the words of Mr. Gallagher,” continued an excited Ms. Millbright, “As sure as the sea is blue, we’re gonna run those rascals through. Hear the call: All for one, one for all. The debates this summer are going to be fun.

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Randall 'fink' Finkelsteinhttps://www.broadstreetbeacon.com
Fink is a man of many words, and many web links. He likes to argue and seldom loses. Mostly because he’s well informed. And somewhat gassy.

More from author

Related posts


Latest posts

Louisiana Teacher Under Fire for Posting 10 Commandments in Pig Latin

History teacher Bernie Carver stirred controversy by displaying the Ten Commandments in Pig Latin, provoking ire from conservative parents. Earl "Big Earl" LeJeune fumed, "This is part of a larger conspiracy. Next, they'll be speaking French! And you know what they say about French – it's the language of the devil!"

Metallica’s James Hetfield Celebrates a PhD in Astrophysics

Metallica heavy metal guitarist and lead singer James Hetfield announced on his personal Facebook page that he had just finished defending his PhD dissertation at California Institute of Technology in Pasadena (CalTech), CA