Teenager Suddenly Vegetarian, Except for Chicken Nuggets

Kevin Thomas of Grass Valley, CA taking a 2 hour "much-need" break" from his homework for the 3rd time today.
Kevin Thomas of Grass Valley, CA taking a 2 hour “much-need” break” from his homework for the 3rd time today.

Grass Valley, CA — Local teenager Kevin Thomas of Grass Valley informed his family at the Thursday Night dinner table that he only likes chicken in nugget form. The 15-year-old, who by all accounts enjoyed all kinds of chicken preparations until this announcement, caught the Thomas family off guard.

“Kevin loved chicken,” said an exasperated Craig Thomas, Kevin’s Father. “All of a sudden he didn’t want to deal with chicken bones. He was claiming he suddenly was a vegetarian, except for chicken nuggets. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say he’s lazy. Yes. That lazy that he doesn’t want to eat it off the bone.”

There’s no doubt that the chicken nugget is a mainstay of the American diet, even if we do jokingly ask, “Where’s the nugget on a chicken?” Robert Baker, a food science professor at Cornell University, invented the chicken nugget in the 1950s. Since then, a lot of research has been dedicated to the oddly shaped finger food. In particular, corporate America has spent billions of dollars targeting children and guilty working parents into buying the “abstract chicken” protein product.

“Look, with no bones and the right amount of flavorings,” said Tyson Foods Director of Communications Stacy Bremfall Williamson. “This becomes the perfect processed food product for picky kids and over-worked parents. Here at Tyson we like to think of ourselves as ‘co-parents’ especially at the dinner table.”

The Fazzler reached out to Kevin Thomas for his sudden “nugget only” vegetarianism.

“What’s the big deal,” questioned a mouthy Kevin Thomas. “I also eat fish sticks too. And mac-n-cheese. Like, those are good and I get to have them with Ranch. My Dad needs to get off my case. This is my life, not his. Chickens are gross. Nuggets are not.”

As for his Father Craig, he’s not giving up.

“Raising a teenager is not easy,” continued Mr. Thomas. “But this impulsiveness and moodiness is driving me nuts. I guess the best advice is to not let this in my head. But the wife spent some time cooking that whole chicken, and I found his behavior rude and disrespectful towards his mother.”

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Randall 'fink' Finkelsteinhttps://www.broadstreetbeacon.com
Fink is a man of many words, and many web links. He likes to argue and seldom loses. Mostly because he’s well informed. And somewhat gassy.

More from author


Related posts


Latest posts

Sotheby’s To Auction Off Original Prototype of MyPillow

Sotheby’s stuns with a once-in-a-lifetime auction, offering the original MyPillow prototype—purportedly stuffed with the essence of the American dream—set to redefine luxury sleep and history, one overpriced, patriotically infused bid at a time.

McDonald’s Bids Farewell to Epstein Island’s Last Golden Arches Amid Controversial Legacy

The McDonald’s on Epstein Island has shuttered its windows for good, marking the end of what the company now refers to as a "misguided adventure in international franchising." The closure comes amidst a whirlwind of controversy and a belated corporate acknowledgment that some locations, no matter how potentially profitable, are better left un-McTouched.

Bombshell Uncovered: Hunter S. Thompson’s Lost ‘Dr. Strangelove’ Audition

A recently unearthed photograph has revealed the unimaginable: Hunter S. Thompson, king of gonzo journalism, once commandeered the captain’s seat of a B-52, not in the throes of a drug-fueled fantasy, but as a contender for the iconic role in Kubrick’s 'Dr. Strangelove.' The discovery challenges everything we thought we knew about the man who lived on the edge of American sanity.