Waste Management Advises Not to Put Out Whole Trees for Pickup

Grass Valley, CA — Following the extensive and destructive snowstorm that swept through Nevada County Christmas week, Waste Management advised residents not to put out downed trees for green pick-up days this past weekend. With so many trees strewn about private property and roads, officials claim there isn’t enough room in recycling trucks for all of the material.

After being flooded with phone calls, Waste Management published a press release broadcast on local radio stations.

“We understand that our customers want to get their tree debris off their properties. And although we provide green waste services, it is impractical for us to remove such sizeable organic waste. Some of these trees weigh thousands of pounds, even if cut into sections. We cannot remove them. Therefore, we ask that all Nevada County residents seek other removal services.

Despite the warning, many residents tried unsuccessfully to disguise their downed trees with Christmas decorations.

“I tried decorating my 90-foot oak as a Christmas tree. Damn near took me all day on Saturday to put tinsel and ornaments on it,” said Rhode Island Street resident Daryl Doogie. “But it didn’t fool Waste Management. They just honked and drove on by. So now I have hundreds of decorations that the neighborhood cats have dragged away. What a mess.”

County officials recommend not decorating trees to fool Waste Management and process the trees for next year’s firewood. They also recommended against praying for a higher power to intervene to solve their problems.

“Your best friend during these times is a good chainsaw,” said Waste Management spokesperson Bethany Millbright. “If you don’t have a chainsaw, find a friend with a chainsaw. If you don’t have a friend, buy a dog.”

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Randall 'fink' Finkelsteinhttps://www.broadstreetbeacon.com
Fink is a man of many words, and many web links. He likes to argue and seldom loses. Mostly because he’s well informed. And somewhat gassy.

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