Wile E. Coyote Murdered After Making Cancer Treatment Discovery

Wile E. Coyote seconds before his untimely and ironic death.
Wile E. Coyote seconds before his untimely and ironic death.

Albuquerque, NM — In recent years there have been a number of cancer researchers that died shortly after making major discoveries. The same has happened to many holistic medicine researchers. It was just a matter of time before a celebrity died during research.

Wile E. Coyote, former road runner chaser turned scientist, was found dead outside of his cancer research lab yesterday. He had been crushed to death by a falling anvil.

The day before his death it was reported that Coyote had made a major breakthrough in cancer treatment, using ground up road runner beaks, he found they attacked tumors with little side effects.

This excerpt was taken from a recent The Fazzler interview with Coyote.

“Well I gave up chasing the road runner at age 40, call it my mid-life crisis,” said Coyote. “I found a higher calling where I could put my genius to work benefiting others. Road runner beaks being the medicine are a mere coincidence”.

Police have no witnesses or leads at this time.

Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.

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