Area Homeless Man Finds Purpose as a Parking Meter

Nevada City, CA — Area homeless man Jimmie “The Home” Wilkonson has found a way to make some spare change on the side by acting as Earth’s first human parking meter. Mr. Wilkonson has taken it upon himself to station his person in front of broken meters in Nevada city’s historic downtown district and collect money from visitors and tourists.

“Well I gotta tell ya’, it wasn’t my idea. I just went ahead and did it,” said a gregarious Mr. Wilkonson speaking out in front of the Mine Shaft Saloon on Broad Street in downtown Nevada City. “I mean, what I’m trying to say is that it was Jake’s idea to do this, but you have to understand that while Jake has a heart of gold, he’s lazy as shit. He might be the laziest man I’ve ever met in my entire life.”

Nestled in the Sierra Nevada foothills in California’s former gold rush area, Grass Valley and Nevada City have become destinations for people looking to “get away” for the weekend. However, only Nevada City has decided to install parking meters which according to the City Controller, accounts for almost 40% of the quaint town’s revenue.


Complicating matters, the city has decided to install older-style meters which do not accept electronic forms of payments, leaving would-be parkers tearing their cars apart looking for dimes and quarters. According to the city, they made the decision to use the meters because they are more “historically accurate” and “better represented the 18th Century feel” area leaders sought to re-create.

But “The Home” has a solution for that.

“So I offer them credit if they can’t find a place to park,” continued Mr. Wilkonson examining his fingernails after scratching his head for a few seconds. “I tell them, ‘hey there, don’t you worry about them dimes. I’ll keep an eye out for the meter guy. I know him and will not let him give you a ticket. I charge them a small fee when they return. It’s what you business-types call a ‘win-win’.”

So far the gig is working out for everyone involved. Even Nevada City is playing along thinking of “The Home’s” actions as an attraction for tourists.


“We came up for the weekend,” said Roseville resident Daft Franklin who was visiting with his wife. “When we were pulling in, I looked at Janie and said, ‘well someone’s gonna have to go back and get a shit-load of dimes. What will these assholes think of next?’ But just then, this filthy homeless guy shows up and offers to watch our meter for us while we go out for dinner. He said he was ‘The Home’ or something weird like that. Janie was freaked out, but I told her we really didn’t have anything to lose. As we left the car, this guy just stood there like a parking meter. When we got back, he was still there.”

According to Mr. Wilkonson, he’s making more money now than he was just panhandling.

“Yep, it’s working out just fine. I’m clearing more than enough to get by and I’m happy about that.”

Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair is Gish Gallop's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.

More from author

Related posts

Advertisment

Latest posts

Sotheby’s To Auction Off Original Prototype of MyPillow

Sotheby’s stuns with a once-in-a-lifetime auction, offering the original MyPillow prototype—purportedly stuffed with the essence of the American dream—set to redefine luxury sleep and history, one overpriced, patriotically infused bid at a time.

McDonald’s Bids Farewell to Epstein Island’s Last Golden Arches Amid Controversial Legacy

The McDonald’s on Epstein Island has shuttered its windows for good, marking the end of what the company now refers to as a "misguided adventure in international franchising." The closure comes amidst a whirlwind of controversy and a belated corporate acknowledgment that some locations, no matter how potentially profitable, are better left un-McTouched.

Bombshell Uncovered: Hunter S. Thompson’s Lost ‘Dr. Strangelove’ Audition

A recently unearthed photograph has revealed the unimaginable: Hunter S. Thompson, king of gonzo journalism, once commandeered the captain’s seat of a B-52, not in the throes of a drug-fueled fantasy, but as a contender for the iconic role in Kubrick’s 'Dr. Strangelove.' The discovery challenges everything we thought we knew about the man who lived on the edge of American sanity.