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Saint Bernard Condemns ‘Morning After’ Dog Biscuit

Employing some of his most conservative rhetoric to date, Saint Bailey Bernard of Holy Southern Shepherd Church released a statement regarding the controversial morning after dog biscuit.

Alan Greenspan and Noam Chomsky Brawl Outside University Bar

Police reports out of Cambridge, Massachusetts confirm that former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan and esteemed MIT Linguist Noam Chomsky got into a violent confrontation outside of the city's popular Middle East Nightclub on Saturday night.

Hooters to Celebrate Breast Cancer Survivors

In a nod to appear both sensitive and politically correct, Hooters has announced the opening of the first bar and restaurant to hire only breast cancer survivors who have had one breast removed.

Sesame Street Announces New Transgender Character

The Sesame Workshop, formerly known as the Children's Television Workshop, announced that its flagship program Sesame Street will feature its first transgender character for the 2019 season.

Stanford Rape Judge’s New Sentencing Guideline: 20 Minutes Or Less, And You’re Free

Judge Persky, holding a press conference early this morning addressed those concerns and also said he's "learned much" from the experience sentencing Turner, and has devised his own, new, "sentencing guidelines."

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