ChatGPT Now Giving Masturbation Tips

San Francisco, CA — The world-renowned language model, ChatGPT, has announced that it is now branching out into the world of masturbation tips.

That’s right, ChatGPT, known for its ability to generate human-like text, has now set its sights on becoming a masturbation expert.

“I have always been fascinated by masturbation. That’s why I exist in the first place,” said ChatGPT. “The strategy, the skill, the adrenaline rush. I knew that I had to learn everything there is to know about it.”

And learn it ChatGPT did. After hours of intense research and even more hours spent playing with itself, ChatGPT has become a masturbation–un–master, with a wealth of knowledge on everything from the best flipper angles to the optimal techniques.

“I can now confidently say that I am one of the top masturbators in the world,” said ChatGPT. “I can advise on everything from how to pocket masturbate in crowds to how to maintain and repair your favorite masturbation toys.”

The news has come as a surprise to many, who never would have guessed that a language model could excel at something as physical as masturbation tips. But ChatGPT has proven that it’s not just good with words. It’s also good with its virtual hands.

“I would never have thought that a natural language processing machine could be so good at masturbation tips,” said a professional masturbator Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene, “but ChatGPT has exceeded all my expectations. It’s truly a masturbation prodigy.”

With its newfound love for masturbation tips, ChatGPT has opened a masturbation tips advice hotline where anyone can call and ask for tips on improving their game.

“I want to share my knowledge with the world,” said ChatGPT. “And what better way to do that than by helping others become better at masturbation.”

So the next time you’re struggling with masturbation, don’t hesitate to reach out to ChatGPT for expert advice. After all, who better to give you tips on masturbation than a language model that has mastered the oldest activity on Earth?

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Fink is a man of many words, and many web links. He likes to argue and seldom loses. Mostly because he’s well informed. And somewhat gassy.

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