Family Torn Apart By Game Night

Columbus, OH — Police were called to a local Columbus residence Friday night to break up a family dispute. The Williams family had its weekly Monopoly game night when a fight broke out over a property trade between brother and sister that erupted into chaos when the family got involved after alleged cheating.

Tammy Williams, Mother of 5, is being charged with aggravated assault after paper cutting her husband with monopoly property cards after taking his son’s side in the argument. The husband had to be taken to the hospital to have his wounds cleaned.

“That s.o.b. always takes up for that snot-nosed little bastard, well not anymore,” a handcuffed Tammy said. “You can’t trade and give someone a Monopoly on Boardwalk. It’s bullshit!”

After making the trade to his youngest sister Alaina, Brian Williams, 16, was repeatedly kicked in his testicles by three of his sisters. He was taken to the hospital and was unavailable for comment.

Alaina, 10, described the scene to The Fazzler.

“It was insane. My Mom just freaked and threw the board across the room,” said Alaina. “She told my sisters to ‘get that little bastard.’ They beat my brother. I don’t think he will ever walk straight again. My Dad tried to help Brian, but he got tackled by my Mom, who kept calling him ‘a bitch’ as she paper cut him. Daddy was crying”.

Police are warning residents to be careful when organizing family events, to do something calming like coloring.

Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.

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